The Bottom 5

My five least favorite beers. This is a tough list, because I know that I’m going to list a bunch of great beers that I just found to be a little off, or that I had with the wrong food, or after the wrong drink. I know that beers are a complex thing, and I’m open to trying them again. Please don’t rain shit on my house if I picked your personal favorite.
1) Any combination of the words Natty, Milwaukee, Best, Ice, Bohemian, or Light. – Eugggh. Beer pong beer doesn’t begin to describe these affronts to nature. It’s 5 bucks for a case and there MIGHT JUST BE A REASON FOR THIS. I wouldn’t use this to poison my neighbor’s yappy dog, it’s so low quality. Moving on.
2) Miller – I should be more specific, but really? Flavorless and weak, it makes me think of week old bottled water. I get that it’s the beer of the working man, but the working man clearly deserves a better beer.
3) Budweiser – Really, I’m just repeating myself now. Another beer that should be labeled “almost-beer” for its astonishing resemblance to beer without ever really coming close. To be fair, I haven’t tried their American Lager yet, but I’m preparing to be underwhelmed.
4) Blue Moon – A favorite, which I just don’t understand. It lacks any kind of real flavor, and it’s kind of flat. I’ve heard it’s good with an orange, but I’m just not up to giving it another shot. The little flavor it does have is weird and slimy. Also, I tried their summer ale, Honey Moon, with high hopes, only to end up throwing out most of it. I couldn’t GIVE it away to my cheap ass friends. Keep this around in case someone you love swallows poison.
5) Dogfish Head, Any – This is the one that is the toughest. They make really, really classy beer. The kind beer aficionado’s love. It’s expensive, it’s complex, and it’s probably great beer. I just can’t stand it. I’ve tried it a few times, different kinds and different occasions. All I can taste is the bitterness (the hops?), which defines everything I’ve tried. It’s so bitter that the next beer I try comes across as bitter, because of the lingering bitterness. Sorry dogfish head, I’m sure I’ll appreciate you in a few years, but for now you make me want to go gargle salt water.
Dishonorable Mention – Corona – I shouldn’t even put this on here. I refuse to try this beer, based on the commentary I’ve heard. Really though, it’s the choice of frat boys, and it requires a lime to make it not taste like ass. Why the fuck would you buy this? If you’re dumb enough to buy a beer that REQUIRES fruit, you have sorely missed the point.